People are opposed to change. This is something that enlightened people like to point out. About my two year old. He is a smart boy, but really, he doesn't have much of an intellect, it is developing, but there is just so much capacity in any two year old, and so, the heart rules. If he were 42, or even 22, he would be called obsessively anal retentive, but, he is two, and that is the way that two year olds are as they come to trust their environment. Pulling a change on him could result in a tantrum, but, and here is the important part - after a day he gets used to the change. All of this is over matters trivial. An adult also faces change, over matters trivial and over matters of world shattering importance. (Whether two years olds face the prospect of change of world shattering matters is a deeper subject, not for now).

When confronted with the truth, it is a sign of deep character to a) know when your own arguments have lost strength, b) accept that truth, and, most important c) to act upon that truth.

It is taken for granted that religion must do something for me. If, for example, "orthodox" Judaism says no to homosexuality, or says that men's and women's roles are differnet, and that set of morals does not click with my conciousness (which is informed by the society in which I live), then it must not be for me (it also may be questionable if it is for anyone else). What we have then is god being made in the image of man. If we accept that, then what is it doing for me anyway? I have spent a good deal of time thinking about what Christianity has for a person, I still haven't figured it out. I do know that, with the possible exception of academic circles, church going lends a person social credibility. This always reminds me of "conservative" Judaism where great emphasis is placed on going to Synagogue on Saturday, even if one must drive (and you are only allowed to drive on Shabbat to Synagogue, but, of course, such a "rule" is just asking to be broken). This is such a peculiar thing as the Torah (if we assume that "conservative" Judaism is based somehow on Torah) states clearly that lighting a fire is prohibited on Shabbat upon penalty of death (internal combustion is also fire), but nowhere in the history of Judaism has there ever been an obligation to go to a Synagogue on Saturday. But what does it do for me? Sadly, it seems to provide that same social image that the masses get from Christianity, all that with no pesky obligations to cramp my style.
But perhaps we are off the mark, to paraphrase - ask not what your religion can do for you, ask what your religion obligates you to do. Could it be that religion actually requires a person to act in his service to One G-d? To not only keep a moral law between people but also between man and G-d? Could religion be something beyond my personal morality, ever changeable, to be able to step into the eternal? Could it go beyond a country club mentality to encompass all of human existence?

Self control, self awareness, self knowledge. I have at lease one bad habit. Conciousness is the opposite of habit. I am practicing catching myself when I start to perform this habit and trying to become aware of what I am feeling, which happens to be nervousness for no good reason, which also happens to fit with the popular idea of a nervous habit. And I can stop it. I don't know if I can stop the nervousness, that seems to be the next step and I haven't gotten far enough to know what that step is exactly. I can ask the question - what's making me so nervous? Or, why is everything making me so nervous? Or, why is a particularly relaxing situation making me nervous?

Two year olds can make a parent crazy. They don't mean to, they are exploring the world, checking out the outer limits, fearless explorers into their unknown. That means keeping all the doors in the house locked and constantly moving shelved items up another shelf. "They" say that the "terrible twos" are a result of a lack of communication skills. This is true, from the toddlers perspective, but, as a parent, perhaps there is something deeper going on, some push towards self knowledge and self improvement, rather than beating the child and putting him to bed. My baby doesn't always articulate that clearly what exactly he wants and we are left guessing. On the other hand, it sometimes turns out, that in the midst of his messes and demands, he is actually realizing a greater plan. For example, he demands a bag, then several diapers. He puts the diapers in the bag and says "gan," which means - this house is driving me nuts, please take me to daycare, now. Which, as you can see, is a fairly complex though, thought out, planned out and acted upon. For me, as parent, I could just see this nudgy kid who is making strange demands, but it is my reponsibility to see beyond that, to acknowlege that this little person has a mind of his own and has unique, creative ideas which he has no problems acting upon at all. Perhaps, besides learning to sort out the toddlers moods and react accordingly, I can also learn to act upon my creativity as well.